Transfer #11
Subject: out Posted Date: Friday, January 20, 2006 - 8:14 AM
Horrible pain in the left side of my body again. This time it makes my face numb. This used to not go away, now it fades, and sometimes it leaves completely. People, when I tell them about this, concentrate on the pain that radiates down my left side, making all the joints, especially my hip, burn and hurt. But the thing that I cannot communicate, is that it impacts my brain also. I cannot think like this. I think the same pain that afflicts the left side of my body is afflicting my brain also. My face is partially paralyzed at times like this. Most people don't take the time to notice, but Amy noticed it a lot. She knew things were bad when one side of my mouth would not move. Or I would blink, and one eye would get stuck. I cannot express it well, but that is happening of the inside too. When this forst started happening, and when it was at its worst, I would slurr words, and many people mistook me for being drunk. My left leg did not lift properly, and I would be clubs. I have taken neurological tests - hell I have taken everything tests- and they show no brain damage, nor any strength deficit. So I must be fine right? All in my head? Thanks doc. fuck you.
Well, these are fading, and if you care about me then you might care that I had three days of glorious normalcy that ended but two days ago. I could see things clearly and without distortion, and when I say that please understand that there is more to seeing than your eyes. Somewhere, in my brain, the processes that interpret that data are gone haywire. But these last few days, everything seemed so real, not like a puppet show, or Plato's f-ing cave.
Its hard to enjoy yourself like this. It is. For years I would, on Friday nights, just lay on a couch. And Saturday night. Or any night, but of course the weekends were ethe most humiliating of all. But tonight I am going out because I have gotten to the point that when I feel like this,the impact is so much less than it ever was, that I even want to go out. I even accepted an invitation when I could have weaseled out of it. Thing is, I want to be invited, I just don't want to feel like shit the whole time. Makes me feel even worse.
but for an upper- I saw Match Point last night. The lead actors, er, "acting" was only made palatable by having him play against the ever wooden scarlet Johansen, or however she spells her name. Look, how you have a name lke scarlet, a mouth like a 5 dollar suck whore, and be so god damn flat on the screen? Its painful. Not Natalie portman painful, but painful. I mean, can someone give janene garafolo her body? I mean Janene cant act either, but mother of god at least she is interesting and funny.
Yeah, they cannot act, and I cannot spell. I don't mind someone who canot act, I just puzzle how there is not some actor minor league where they are all playing summerstock renditions of a midsummer night's dream in the woods somewhere. There are enough beautiful people in this world that we don't need to resort to Natalie Portman right?
Who is with me?
[Crickets]
Horrible pain in the left side of my body again. This time it makes my face numb. This used to not go away, now it fades, and sometimes it leaves completely. People, when I tell them about this, concentrate on the pain that radiates down my left side, making all the joints, especially my hip, burn and hurt. But the thing that I cannot communicate, is that it impacts my brain also. I cannot think like this. I think the same pain that afflicts the left side of my body is afflicting my brain also. My face is partially paralyzed at times like this. Most people don't take the time to notice, but Amy noticed it a lot. She knew things were bad when one side of my mouth would not move. Or I would blink, and one eye would get stuck. I cannot express it well, but that is happening of the inside too. When this forst started happening, and when it was at its worst, I would slurr words, and many people mistook me for being drunk. My left leg did not lift properly, and I would be clubs. I have taken neurological tests - hell I have taken everything tests- and they show no brain damage, nor any strength deficit. So I must be fine right? All in my head? Thanks doc. fuck you.
Well, these are fading, and if you care about me then you might care that I had three days of glorious normalcy that ended but two days ago. I could see things clearly and without distortion, and when I say that please understand that there is more to seeing than your eyes. Somewhere, in my brain, the processes that interpret that data are gone haywire. But these last few days, everything seemed so real, not like a puppet show, or Plato's f-ing cave.
Its hard to enjoy yourself like this. It is. For years I would, on Friday nights, just lay on a couch. And Saturday night. Or any night, but of course the weekends were ethe most humiliating of all. But tonight I am going out because I have gotten to the point that when I feel like this,the impact is so much less than it ever was, that I even want to go out. I even accepted an invitation when I could have weaseled out of it. Thing is, I want to be invited, I just don't want to feel like shit the whole time. Makes me feel even worse.
but for an upper- I saw Match Point last night. The lead actors, er, "acting" was only made palatable by having him play against the ever wooden scarlet Johansen, or however she spells her name. Look, how you have a name lke scarlet, a mouth like a 5 dollar suck whore, and be so god damn flat on the screen? Its painful. Not Natalie portman painful, but painful. I mean, can someone give janene garafolo her body? I mean Janene cant act either, but mother of god at least she is interesting and funny.
Yeah, they cannot act, and I cannot spell. I don't mind someone who canot act, I just puzzle how there is not some actor minor league where they are all playing summerstock renditions of a midsummer night's dream in the woods somewhere. There are enough beautiful people in this world that we don't need to resort to Natalie Portman right?
Who is with me?
[Crickets]
posted by warnerk | 9:44 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home