Transfer #4
Subject: A day in the life Posted Date: Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 11:14 PM
Shit, did I serously just erase everytihg I wrote. Damn it. A day in the life. 8 am. Alarm blares. I sit in the darkness in my room and try to ascertain how bad a day it is going to be. blurry vision first thing means that it is goig to be bad, but today the eyes are clear. So far so good. When things are really awful, I can feel my mind bent over the cub and puking in the gutter before I ever even sit up. Today it takes me the effort of opening th door to my room to let in some light to get that first sense of failure. I miss the door. Spatial disperceptions. Everything is moving slightly. I lie back down. you never know. Every so often, once a year or so, there is nothing going wrong. not today though. I get up and take B3.It turns my body red all over like a lobster.Today my arms do not turn red, but my eyes turn red and flush first. I wonder what all taht means. I hope that it will fade by the time I get to the office. It is embarrasing to walk in their still looking like this. I medititate. My mind races, but not as abdly as yesterday.
8:20. I notice my left hand and left hadn side fo my face are numb and aching a little. This could portend a migraine, or just a rough day. I stand in the abthrooma dn debate how much folate I am going to take. I am working on the theory that the folate is building histidine, which becomes histamine, but also detoxes my body. I fear that a lot of the dizzyness is from detoxifying the copper, mercury, lead et al too quickly. Of course, I could be totally off. But after all, its only 8:30. I take 3 instead of 5. I also take extra C on the theory that I need the anti-oxidants if indeed I am right
I finish the daily morning pill ritual...B 12 under the tongue, b6, B complex, Biotin, cod liver oil. I dress and head out the door.
9 am. I walk to the T. I feel pretty normal, ann try to enjoy it. who knows how long that will last. I see and hear thigns clearly today, at least for the time being. This was not always the case, and is not always the case, so I take a moment and try to sip it like a decent bottle of wine. My mind is ruminating, as always, this time its posture and I cannot stop readjusting the way I walk. it still feels weird. It always does. Sometimes it feels natural for a couple of steps. Its cold out. I wonder if I will dehydrate like yesterday. Time was I needed to sip water all the time, that the pills made my brain get closed out if I did not take them with a ton of water. These days I can usually make it to the office before I get tight like that. That is a relief.
9:30- at the office. I feel ok, but I talk to Kevin in the hall way and notice that I am spinning. I often do not notice how odd I feel until I try to talk to someone. I think this has to do with how it speeds uip and slows don so quickly. SOmetimes I talk very rapidly, then I slow it way down. dont know accurately how long pauses are in conversations. They can all seem minutes long, or I dont even notice them. Kevin is staring at me a bit, so I guess I missed the pace again. That happens. I am weaving slightly, as today I am not going to be able to orient ymslef properly. I hold onto a wall. the conversation ends and I get into my office. I notice how I am spinning, but the mind feels ok to work today. That, at least, is a small victory.
I sit here, feeling a little naseaus from the way the room is moving. I wonder what the day will bring.
Shit, did I serously just erase everytihg I wrote. Damn it. A day in the life. 8 am. Alarm blares. I sit in the darkness in my room and try to ascertain how bad a day it is going to be. blurry vision first thing means that it is goig to be bad, but today the eyes are clear. So far so good. When things are really awful, I can feel my mind bent over the cub and puking in the gutter before I ever even sit up. Today it takes me the effort of opening th door to my room to let in some light to get that first sense of failure. I miss the door. Spatial disperceptions. Everything is moving slightly. I lie back down. you never know. Every so often, once a year or so, there is nothing going wrong. not today though. I get up and take B3.It turns my body red all over like a lobster.Today my arms do not turn red, but my eyes turn red and flush first. I wonder what all taht means. I hope that it will fade by the time I get to the office. It is embarrasing to walk in their still looking like this. I medititate. My mind races, but not as abdly as yesterday.
8:20. I notice my left hand and left hadn side fo my face are numb and aching a little. This could portend a migraine, or just a rough day. I stand in the abthrooma dn debate how much folate I am going to take. I am working on the theory that the folate is building histidine, which becomes histamine, but also detoxes my body. I fear that a lot of the dizzyness is from detoxifying the copper, mercury, lead et al too quickly. Of course, I could be totally off. But after all, its only 8:30. I take 3 instead of 5. I also take extra C on the theory that I need the anti-oxidants if indeed I am right
I finish the daily morning pill ritual...B 12 under the tongue, b6, B complex, Biotin, cod liver oil. I dress and head out the door.
9 am. I walk to the T. I feel pretty normal, ann try to enjoy it. who knows how long that will last. I see and hear thigns clearly today, at least for the time being. This was not always the case, and is not always the case, so I take a moment and try to sip it like a decent bottle of wine. My mind is ruminating, as always, this time its posture and I cannot stop readjusting the way I walk. it still feels weird. It always does. Sometimes it feels natural for a couple of steps. Its cold out. I wonder if I will dehydrate like yesterday. Time was I needed to sip water all the time, that the pills made my brain get closed out if I did not take them with a ton of water. These days I can usually make it to the office before I get tight like that. That is a relief.
9:30- at the office. I feel ok, but I talk to Kevin in the hall way and notice that I am spinning. I often do not notice how odd I feel until I try to talk to someone. I think this has to do with how it speeds uip and slows don so quickly. SOmetimes I talk very rapidly, then I slow it way down. dont know accurately how long pauses are in conversations. They can all seem minutes long, or I dont even notice them. Kevin is staring at me a bit, so I guess I missed the pace again. That happens. I am weaving slightly, as today I am not going to be able to orient ymslef properly. I hold onto a wall. the conversation ends and I get into my office. I notice how I am spinning, but the mind feels ok to work today. That, at least, is a small victory.
I sit here, feeling a little naseaus from the way the room is moving. I wonder what the day will bring.
posted by warnerk | 8:42 AM
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