poems/writting

I used to write poems about dying, or being sick, alone or lost. Now, I am starting, for the first time, to write poems about living. They are scarier to write, like it is scarier to live that to give in to death. In writing poetry about my illness I could be secure that as long as it communicated enough desolation, it would be respected and no one would criticize it. Living is about opening yourself to criticism and to the inevitable realization that you are not perfect, nor a victim, but responsible for your own decisions and forseeable outcomes.

Interestingly, G's husband, a psychiatrist, says that when the mentally ill recover, they are treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I like Shell Shock better, but the point is that being mentally ill is like living under the sword of Demosthenes for years. Never knowing what will happen to you, whether you will live or die. But hey, for the mentally ill, it just starts there.

I feel like we should have a big party. All the catatonics would be drinking heavily, all the paranoids would be talking excessively, no one would understand the hebephrenics, drunk or sober. And best of all, no one would have to worry about being judged. Ill send the evites and bring my swimsuit.

Anyway, the point of this post is to remind you that remission is a long way from healthy. Its a starting place. And from there on out, its up to you. Congratulations. You have earned it.



(BTW Demosthenes is in the spell check).