Memories

I just e-mailed with my old mentor in Boston at my firm. It was a great email response I received in return (is that redundant?), and I was left thinking of good memories. Interesting how the mind hides the ball a bit from you, because all of a sudden I recalled how I used to sit with her in her office, then return to mine, and quietly enjoy a panic attack for an hour or so. AN migraines with all the fireworks. Sometimes by dinner I felt better.

This was not just H, this was everyone I met. Everyone. K, the associate next door, my basketball buddies, B my law school friend, J, my best friend in the VA years. Everyone. Over time, the response would fade, but for some reason, every new encounter resulted in a banging head ache, shortness of breath hyperventilation, and a system shut down. What a ridiculous conundrum, feeling lonely, yet being struck down every time i spent time with people.

Man, have we ever come a long way.

There were, of course, a handful of personalities which did not result in that response. I dont know what the common thread was, but looking back, it tended to be nurturers and people who were so wrapped up in themselves that they never bothered thinking of me. It was like being alone. But those were lonely and rough times, and as I come on my 5 year othomolecular treatment anniversary, I am reminded of how far I have come.