One more time

This is getting tiresome, but I think we might have a breakthrough this time.

I requested, of my PCP, that she help me find a psych of some sort to assist me in the transition from mental imbalance to normal life. I was feeling unsure, and wanted some guidance from someone who had at the least helped other patients through the trnasition. Now, I dont know much about general medicine, but my guess is that when a patient tells you that he is on the edge, facing really painfully difficult emotional problems and needs to see a psych, 5 months between request and visit is unacceptable. By about 5 months.

Honestly, introspection, talking with friends, journallying, keeping this blog, and of course the patience and resiliancy of W and my friends have helped me through that time. I find I have very few questions left. But I still have this appointment. And I will go, but at this point, it seems pointless.

The Dr.'s name is Dr. Goff. I keep spelling it Gough. And I will continue to do so. If seems more dignified. He words at the Freedom Trail Mental Health Clinic. The FTMHC looks exactly what you would expect a goverment funded mentalward to look like. yellowing tiles, florescent lights. patients wandering by in white smocks with bandages all over their arms talking to themselves. There are guards there. The guards are big capable looking men. They carry guns. Dr. G is at the center of an onion of beuarocracy. You must keep peeling back layers of secretaries, interns, social workers, and assistants to get to him. I hope he is balding, and on life support, like Darth Vadar when Luke finally removed his helmet. Only then would my expectations be met.

He wants me to submit to DNA testing. Its a three hour test to help build a genentic map of Sz. He can wait. I have better things to do right now. First, he can tell me how he can help me. My time is valuable, and I have wasted a lot of it trying to get to him.

I do not think he does Talk therapy. I think at best he might offer me Cognitive behavioral therapy. I think he will want to talk about my vitamin regime. We can do that, but he cannot charge me for it. THe PTC is light years ahead of what his clinic is doing, but all of that information is available with a little research. I am not planning on doing his homework for him. I don't know that I have anything left to say to him. To tell you the truth, I feel like I talked about me for so long, and worried about my health so fervently, that I have nothign left to say. I want to hear other people talk for a change. Hear about their problems. I am sick of being sick, or of having been sick.

So yes, I am a ray of f*Cking sunshine. I am negative about this experience. I have billables to make.

but d*mn it does feel nice to have addressing my mental health be an irritant.