Day 35
Almost got back 1%. 40 days.
Lets be honest here, I am living like I am making up for lost time. I am making up for lost time. I am not the only one. There are lots of people who set aside portions of thier lives and lived in parrallel tracks, who are now, intentionally or unintentionally, trying to regain what was lost of given up through frenetic efforts. Throwing down life in shot glasses of experience. Hard fast, and without undue prudence.
So, in an effort to burn myself up, I have been out nearly every night since the Bar. Last night I went to meet up with a crew at the Paradise lounge. I ditched after just a little bit. My soul may cry out for more, but my body is still human, and aging and needs rest. I was wrecked and went home. L came over and we had a more gentile and energizing conversation than anything that was going to happen on a pole. Poles have their places after all, but its not an everyday thing.
I climbed on Wednesday, and then worked until late. Last night too. Keeping up this social schedule does not absolve me of my work duties, but I can shift the schedule, thus i found myself drafting memos on reexamination and estoppel at 2am this morning. It got done though.
Where will this end? I am not sure. And I dont care, though I know that it will taper off. You keep an animal caged up, and it will be angry and agressive when it gets out, but over time, it will resume its normal character. I am not a going out every night guy. I like my mountainsides and stillnesses and watching the heat of the city evaporate into the air and making the stars shimmer. But I do want both, and for 11 years, I was on the sidelines, so I am taking back what is mine, without apologies, though certainly with explaination. I have been candid with the people in my life that I need to do this now. It seems an important part of my healing and perhaps my maturation. The body is largely well. The soul is always pure, but the spirit needs some attention.
Lets be honest here, I am living like I am making up for lost time. I am making up for lost time. I am not the only one. There are lots of people who set aside portions of thier lives and lived in parrallel tracks, who are now, intentionally or unintentionally, trying to regain what was lost of given up through frenetic efforts. Throwing down life in shot glasses of experience. Hard fast, and without undue prudence.
So, in an effort to burn myself up, I have been out nearly every night since the Bar. Last night I went to meet up with a crew at the Paradise lounge. I ditched after just a little bit. My soul may cry out for more, but my body is still human, and aging and needs rest. I was wrecked and went home. L came over and we had a more gentile and energizing conversation than anything that was going to happen on a pole. Poles have their places after all, but its not an everyday thing.
I climbed on Wednesday, and then worked until late. Last night too. Keeping up this social schedule does not absolve me of my work duties, but I can shift the schedule, thus i found myself drafting memos on reexamination and estoppel at 2am this morning. It got done though.
Where will this end? I am not sure. And I dont care, though I know that it will taper off. You keep an animal caged up, and it will be angry and agressive when it gets out, but over time, it will resume its normal character. I am not a going out every night guy. I like my mountainsides and stillnesses and watching the heat of the city evaporate into the air and making the stars shimmer. But I do want both, and for 11 years, I was on the sidelines, so I am taking back what is mine, without apologies, though certainly with explaination. I have been candid with the people in my life that I need to do this now. It seems an important part of my healing and perhaps my maturation. The body is largely well. The soul is always pure, but the spirit needs some attention.
posted by warnerk | 2:12 PM
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