another rough day

Strange how it is during the time sin which I feel the worst that I have the strongest need to turn to the internet nad write about it. Maybe it is becuase I recognize that it is primarily the illness that is of worth and interest to the public rahter than my health, or maybe I am just craving release. Who knows.

Dead head today. Flat, empty landscapes where my memory and personality used to be. I feel drunk, and stupid, and while I may be the latter, I most certainly am not the former. I feel fuzzy too, inside, like a subtle burning in all my muscles. Like there was fur in my veins. My sister would claim I was being melodramatic, but then, she doesn't read this blog.

What is going on? Probably more of the same. These used to put me out of commission. Now they are merely uncomfrtable. Still, that old urge to get the day overwith is there. I just want tommorrow, or whichever day sees this gone. I passed too many days in this state. I could be a tree. I dont want any stimulation or interaction at all. nothing but blessed emptyness.

Dont feel badly for me, rather, find something you love doing and do it. For me. Just today.