So, who am I?
Dear readers,
The following is a special posting for you. A friend of mine, and a fellow sufferer, has been generous enough to share his story with you all. We will call him X. X because he could be anyone, becuase his story is no less great because we don't know who he is, because it is the story that we hope touches you, teaches you what it is like to be on the inside or lets you know you are not alone. X because even he does not yet know who he will become as he recovers.
It is hard for me to read this, to hear my story in another person's words. But I want to offer my heartfelt thanks to X for putting this into words. Whether this is a life raft to whcih one suffere clings during a sweat drenched night when every cell in his body is screaming for release, or a girl finds it and realizes that she is not incurable, or a parent reads this and finally makes the connection and can hug thier child and cry, he has already helped someone heal...me. So thanks X.
As always, fell free to respond with a comment, or take this away, or share it with someone who needs to read it.
and now...X:
"It is within the common culture of society to define Schizophrenia as a multiple personality disorder. This definition depicts images of the 'mad' cycling back and forth between two or more different 'selfs.' While for some this may be the case, for the majority (and in my personal experience) Schizophrenia does not simply divide the personality. SZ dulls the colors of reality, SC excavates the sould of a man, SZ siphens the body of life. SZ, in many ways, is death.
Six 1/2 years ago, I was alive. I read, I played, I laughed, and most importantly, I loved. I was you.
Six years ago, I died. My brain filled with a gray haze, my heart ceased to feel, and emotion became nothing more than a word. My passions turned into merely actions. My body moved in form, but inside there was no life.
So back to the question at hand, who am I? Once again, that question must be separated. Six 1/2 years ago, I was a celebrated high-school athlete; yes, the guy who was nailing the Prom Queen. Six years ago, I left for college, and uninvitedly, Schizophrenia became my permanent roommate. I continued along, attempting to hide and turn away from the reality that had become my reality. I joined a fraternity, drank beer by the bucketload, and kicked ass in the classroom. I excelled in all areas in which you might have seen me. I was the model student and fraternity brother. Inside my body, inside my brain, I was failing.
If you went to college with me, you would have never known. My best friends, guys who refer to me as "brother", still do not know. I might be at work with you right now, and you would not know. Hiding who I have become is perhaps what I do best.
Life without love, life without feeling is Hell. To go to Hell, one must die. Six years ago, I died. Three weeks ago, I went to the Pfeiffer Treatment Center in Chicago. I await my results. If you have ever wondered whether the dead can truly rise, I guess we will find out together.....
X "
The following is a special posting for you. A friend of mine, and a fellow sufferer, has been generous enough to share his story with you all. We will call him X. X because he could be anyone, becuase his story is no less great because we don't know who he is, because it is the story that we hope touches you, teaches you what it is like to be on the inside or lets you know you are not alone. X because even he does not yet know who he will become as he recovers.
It is hard for me to read this, to hear my story in another person's words. But I want to offer my heartfelt thanks to X for putting this into words. Whether this is a life raft to whcih one suffere clings during a sweat drenched night when every cell in his body is screaming for release, or a girl finds it and realizes that she is not incurable, or a parent reads this and finally makes the connection and can hug thier child and cry, he has already helped someone heal...me. So thanks X.
As always, fell free to respond with a comment, or take this away, or share it with someone who needs to read it.
and now...X:
"It is within the common culture of society to define Schizophrenia as a multiple personality disorder. This definition depicts images of the 'mad' cycling back and forth between two or more different 'selfs.' While for some this may be the case, for the majority (and in my personal experience) Schizophrenia does not simply divide the personality. SZ dulls the colors of reality, SC excavates the sould of a man, SZ siphens the body of life. SZ, in many ways, is death.
Six 1/2 years ago, I was alive. I read, I played, I laughed, and most importantly, I loved. I was you.
Six years ago, I died. My brain filled with a gray haze, my heart ceased to feel, and emotion became nothing more than a word. My passions turned into merely actions. My body moved in form, but inside there was no life.
So back to the question at hand, who am I? Once again, that question must be separated. Six 1/2 years ago, I was a celebrated high-school athlete; yes, the guy who was nailing the Prom Queen. Six years ago, I left for college, and uninvitedly, Schizophrenia became my permanent roommate. I continued along, attempting to hide and turn away from the reality that had become my reality. I joined a fraternity, drank beer by the bucketload, and kicked ass in the classroom. I excelled in all areas in which you might have seen me. I was the model student and fraternity brother. Inside my body, inside my brain, I was failing.
If you went to college with me, you would have never known. My best friends, guys who refer to me as "brother", still do not know. I might be at work with you right now, and you would not know. Hiding who I have become is perhaps what I do best.
Life without love, life without feeling is Hell. To go to Hell, one must die. Six years ago, I died. Three weeks ago, I went to the Pfeiffer Treatment Center in Chicago. I await my results. If you have ever wondered whether the dead can truly rise, I guess we will find out together.....
X "
posted by warnerk | 7:45 AM
1 Comments:
Wow that gave me chills. Thank you for sharing that! It is heartbreaking that you have to go through and yet so inspiring that you can see the light at the end of what seems to be a very hilly tunnel.
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