Not so far down
Well, the storms have passed, but I am making that commitment to this blog, to leave a papertrail, and a record, for future generations of recoverers on the orthomolecular train.
Friday mornign I woke up with my hand curled into a claw, and my foot spasmatically twitching. It tapped out on the couch while I stared at it. I knew that something was brewing. Later that day, when I took my morning shvelful of vitamins, I had that residual dead head that portends a downturn. That evening was rough too, and about 8pm it occured to me that I had not [***TMI alert***] cleared my bowels in 2 days. It was going ot be bad.
Saterday morning, I work eith blunted emotions. My mind was feeling trapped, again. by about 1 I felt the room swaying, though I was not mioving, and my humor was low, and malaise high. I went to the Berkshires with friends becuase if I stayed in when I felt unwell, I would not go out. It got worse throughout that day. By 8 that night, I was just flaling in the current, swept along by other people and hoping it would end. In the darkenss in a theater, I let myself start to feel badly for myself. At dinner, my stomach felt like I had been eating glass. It swelled like a peach with the meal. I was naseaus, and not hungry at all. There were strong signals to eat nothing.
I got to my room, and fell asleep with my clothes on. Sunday was not much better. I flight of stairs winded me. I was meotionally gone, flat, confused, awkward. my balance gone. my mind flat and gnurled into knuckles of thoughts. By about 3 I began to clear. I got home and used th toilet. This always proceeeds a clearing. By that night I felt good, and by bed time I felt like it hadn't happened.
If all holds according to patterns, I will feel not just better today, but better than I have since I got ill. This has always been the way. This is one reason why I use the Sz diagnosis so taht people can understand, or at least appreciate, what I am going through, but I acknwledge that this is only part of the illness process. I have some of the pieces, but only some of them. I am getting better, but the PTC by no way uinderstands it all. I feel like there is something toxic getting lceared out by my system. It exacerabtes all the Sz symptoms. It feels like death coming out and then I feel better. I hate it. I do. another beautiful weekend lost. Shit
Well, so thats it. Thats how I spent my weekend. How was yours?
Friday mornign I woke up with my hand curled into a claw, and my foot spasmatically twitching. It tapped out on the couch while I stared at it. I knew that something was brewing. Later that day, when I took my morning shvelful of vitamins, I had that residual dead head that portends a downturn. That evening was rough too, and about 8pm it occured to me that I had not [***TMI alert***] cleared my bowels in 2 days. It was going ot be bad.
Saterday morning, I work eith blunted emotions. My mind was feeling trapped, again. by about 1 I felt the room swaying, though I was not mioving, and my humor was low, and malaise high. I went to the Berkshires with friends becuase if I stayed in when I felt unwell, I would not go out. It got worse throughout that day. By 8 that night, I was just flaling in the current, swept along by other people and hoping it would end. In the darkenss in a theater, I let myself start to feel badly for myself. At dinner, my stomach felt like I had been eating glass. It swelled like a peach with the meal. I was naseaus, and not hungry at all. There were strong signals to eat nothing.
I got to my room, and fell asleep with my clothes on. Sunday was not much better. I flight of stairs winded me. I was meotionally gone, flat, confused, awkward. my balance gone. my mind flat and gnurled into knuckles of thoughts. By about 3 I began to clear. I got home and used th toilet. This always proceeeds a clearing. By that night I felt good, and by bed time I felt like it hadn't happened.
If all holds according to patterns, I will feel not just better today, but better than I have since I got ill. This has always been the way. This is one reason why I use the Sz diagnosis so taht people can understand, or at least appreciate, what I am going through, but I acknwledge that this is only part of the illness process. I have some of the pieces, but only some of them. I am getting better, but the PTC by no way uinderstands it all. I feel like there is something toxic getting lceared out by my system. It exacerabtes all the Sz symptoms. It feels like death coming out and then I feel better. I hate it. I do. another beautiful weekend lost. Shit
Well, so thats it. Thats how I spent my weekend. How was yours?
posted by warnerk | 8:26 AM
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