crazy days
Last monday was a weird one.
I have noticed, and others recovering under an orthomolecular approach have noticed, that on the path to health, the very hallmark sof illness tend to flip and go the oposite way occasionally.
I was never with energy, my libido was like a slug (though for all I know this is disparaging to slugs), I was melancholy, and my mind raced along without me. On monday it was quite eh opposite. Not a mania, but a rage, deep inside me, welling up and spilling over. I wanted to hit, to be hit, to lift to crush, to be trampled. SOmeone asked me what they coudl do. the only thing I could think of was to have her stand on my back (which I kept to myself). I wasnted to be crushed under foot. I obsessed on one thing, and could not let it go. I needed out out out, and i felt suffocated by the city. My heart raced. My skin was hot. I did not sleep at all that night. I lay in bed and I never even drifted off. I felt a fear, nameless and invisible, coiling around me.
In comparing notes with a person recovering from this...we will call her X, X said this is the way she always felt until she started to recover. It is like being 17 again. Too much energy to know what to do with. She also had the need to have someone huge and heavy lay down on top of her and crush out the energy. It is too much.
It seemed to fade during the week, and it is nice just to see the other side of the coin for a while. markers of health, but rest assured dear reader, that this is anything but a straghtforward journey.
W.
I have noticed, and others recovering under an orthomolecular approach have noticed, that on the path to health, the very hallmark sof illness tend to flip and go the oposite way occasionally.
I was never with energy, my libido was like a slug (though for all I know this is disparaging to slugs), I was melancholy, and my mind raced along without me. On monday it was quite eh opposite. Not a mania, but a rage, deep inside me, welling up and spilling over. I wanted to hit, to be hit, to lift to crush, to be trampled. SOmeone asked me what they coudl do. the only thing I could think of was to have her stand on my back (which I kept to myself). I wasnted to be crushed under foot. I obsessed on one thing, and could not let it go. I needed out out out, and i felt suffocated by the city. My heart raced. My skin was hot. I did not sleep at all that night. I lay in bed and I never even drifted off. I felt a fear, nameless and invisible, coiling around me.
In comparing notes with a person recovering from this...we will call her X, X said this is the way she always felt until she started to recover. It is like being 17 again. Too much energy to know what to do with. She also had the need to have someone huge and heavy lay down on top of her and crush out the energy. It is too much.
It seemed to fade during the week, and it is nice just to see the other side of the coin for a while. markers of health, but rest assured dear reader, that this is anything but a straghtforward journey.
W.
posted by warnerk | 8:03 AM
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