And so it goes

I have five minutes to write 30 minutes of content. This is going to get ugly. So....I communicated my frustration to Mensah Medical with the condition I previously described. Let's call it- rest hangover. To summarize, following decent rest (good sleep and no exercise the day before), the next day I experience a very toxic feeling reaction, akin to a flue, heart palpitations, bloated lymph nodes, runny nose, pounding headache, stuffy head, ache, cold, lassitude, irritation. I was pleasantly surprised to get a call back from Dr. Bowman and we discussed the phenomena. Her suggestion was that the niacinimide that was previously sufficient, was now excessive and leading to these symptoms. Her suggestion was to decrease the dose, and skip taking the niacinimide at night. So I did. In fact, all I did was decrease the dose from 1G morning, 1G at night, to 1G morning, 500mg at night. So first- I think she may have been right. No hangover, no flushing, no bloat, no headache, etc. But, the downside is...I seem to really still need the niacinimide. I felt the difference even last night. Before bed. a weird speeding up of things. By this morning, I was for sure on: Its crushing. Like I can't even see though my sight is fine. Its actually the experience of having no idea what I am seeing. Its pretty and distracting, but incomprehensible. My usually jumbled mind just accelerates, breaking off thoughts half way through and firing new ones in there so that I cannot make sense of the narration or narrative. Its confusing, bewildering, I really have no idea what people are saying. I feel lost and disoriented in the world. I find myself places and cannot recall how I got there or why. Somehow my body just navigates throughout the day and I eat food and make it to work. I biked in. I have some memories of that. But wound and tattered. With supreme effort, feeling like a physical effort, I can focus enough to navigate my day. I got into the office at 1pm. I could not figure out how to get here earlier. And it hurts in a weird way. The panic of not knowing what is going on around you I think. I feel so tired too, but actually quite physically strong. I think it might just be the animal reaction to stay where you are when you are in danger- and I read my surroundings as danger. I lay about on days like this. It was like the old times. Just read books that I don't really understand. They soothe me and hours pass and my life trickles by and I am slightly glad to see it going. Wow, and the difference is significant. I just took a b-3- 500mg, and its like putting on glasses. Funny, now I would have a hard time writing the preceding sentences. Its like most of the illness, impossible to recapture. I am glad I hacked out these posts over the years. I don't know why. But it seems somehow honoring of the illness and the experience of the multitudes that suffer without a voice.