A baker's dozen

This last weekend, I cut my foalte dose from 14 8000 mcg pills to 13. This from a high once of 24. This is, obviously, signfigant, both from a physical health standpoint, and a psycholgical standpoint.

Physically, it demonstrates that my need for the folate is less than it once was. The system is stabilizing and healing on a cellular level. Physcologically, I admit that I was directed to reduce the number some time ago, but as the most significant healing occured in response to folate, it was difficult to reduce the amount. I was quite concerned about relapse, or even a reduction in my well being.

So, today, we are down to 13. Three more to go and no rush to get there. Its a good day.

Dead Head

This is the first flat brain event I have had since last October or so. Can that be right? Its been wonderful.

To review: Flat emotions, real difficulty thinking, odd heart palpitations, confusion, disorientation, lack of balance, irritability, focus problems. It seems minor, but its like having cotton pakced hard in your head. It actually feels like there is something in there.

I have had it specullated that what is going on is that sugars are not passing the blood brain barrier and that the brain is partially starved for energy. In which case waiting to deal with that is a bad idea, but frankly, judgement in a moment like this is really hard and i tend to just sit.

So, there you go.

Now, if you dont mind, I have some staples to remove.

Rare rough day

Thats it. A rare rough day. Dragging. Not a tired dragging, things coming in weird. Not terrible so I worked on just digging it. Still, distorted. Head hurt in weird places and left hand a foot jumping in familiar oddness. No matter. Its been a rough run. 6 days, only sleeping well one of them. A run in sake. Emotional conversations. Trying to please too many and putting myself too far down on the list. Tired now.

Down to 14 b-9s. I didnt make it to twelve. Whats the rush?

Huh

Its one of those weird moments in life when you look up and realize you are really happy.




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For the less interesting:

I am down to 14 b-9 800 mcg's a day. I can do the math, but I think in pills. I was at 18, and now at 14. I was going to cut to 12, but I decided to wait one week. Why? Because I am scared, ok? Its irrational, and impulsive and its fear and I want one more week to see how I am on 14.

This keeps happening

Every since I started the GABA, I have these cycles. I am at the end of the point of one of them right now. I start feeling tired. THen I notice my strength is gone. Usually there is some constipation. Over a few days, I will put on 6-8 pounds of water weight. Then my kidneys will hurt. I will start feeling flu like symptoms. Headaches, achey, tired. I will sleep a lot. Cold hands.

Then...then it clears.

Answers-? I dont know. I have not paid attention to the cycle enought to have an idea what is happening, but somehow I suspect that the GABA makes the other supplements, including the HTP, work better. I feel like I am mad flushing some copper. Who knows. Its not that bad. Clothes fit snugly. Headaches. Hope it calms down over time.

Limits

They are so a part of us, that we dont even see them anymore. Our bondaries between what we are and what we are not. Yet those limits can move, can change, sometimes drastically.

I used to have very narrow limits. Physically, in specific. A flight of stairs in 1999 would leave me panting, realling, and need rest. Later, a basketball game was tolerable, but I would take some days to recover.

By 2008, I could surf without the pouding migraines and insomnia that always followed. Days of anxiety, edges of panic attacks, me working furiosly to avoid slipping into hyperventilation. This followed every trip to the gym, yet I went.

And one drink would make my hands shake for a day or more, and my eyes hurt. one day missed sleep and I felt dizzy and sick.

Its different now. Those limits receed like the tide, and I dont know whether to chase them. Its been so long since I thought of myself as an athlete, and had conceeded phycial activity. So it has come as quite a suprise to find that I can, and did, surf for three days in a row. And that pushing 130 was, if not easy, possible, where it has satlike a load of bricks for years. I have put on 5 pounds, mainly muscle, just because I can move that much more in the gym, or climb that more often.

So I push. This week I went out Thursday night until...now. Thats a week solid. Ingesting, drinking, dancing, whatever. And I feel fine.

So, what do you do? Do you push? I was content with my limits. In many ways, they defined me. I was not expecting them to leave. Well, I am going to test them. Experiment. I will continue the celebration and see where the rabbit hole goes.